oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
