Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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