they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
