Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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