Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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