Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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