WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
