every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
