what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
