I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
