I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
