I am puke
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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