Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
