Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
