there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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