How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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