Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
operation have a gay friend backfired
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
