the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
