It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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