i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
