her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
