Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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