I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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