Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
