I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
