The maid of honor just puked.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
