You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she smelled like a LAN party
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
