I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
