i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
