he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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