the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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