we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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