Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
