he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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