Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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