just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
