somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
well you can't waste a boner
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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