I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
