So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
