I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
