Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
