96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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