we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
