The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize