So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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