dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
