They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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