Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Your tits are I can't wait for
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
