I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
