Why are handjobs necessary in class?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
