first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
