i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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