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• (706): View more from Georgia

  Did we have sex last night?

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis

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• (714): View more from California

  I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising

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• (206): View more from Washington

  No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class

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• (510): View more from California

  the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  When have you ever know me to go too far?

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Yeah. Besides those.

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