I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
