I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
