I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
