I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Randomize
