I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
