just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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