I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
