Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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