I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
