I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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