It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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