The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
